Blurb--Almost 40, Tegan, a divorced mother ot two, is convinced that she has no time for romance. She and her bestie run a party-planning company. Patti cooks, Tegan does everything else. When their friend sends her brother-in-law Alejandro to them, they're glad for the business--until he asks them to supply a stripper for the birthday party he's throwing for a potential client. Over a bottle of wine, Patti convinces Tegan she's got the body for doing the stripping herself--they can't afford anyone else! Tegan finds herself getting turned on by the excitement her dancing generates in the men watching. But Alexander, 42 and divorced, has not had time to date lately. He sets his sights on Tegan--and he always gets what he wants.
Excerpt set up--Tegan starts to look for strippers on the internet, then meets with Patti to complain about her findings, while their kids work together on homework in another room.
What had really surprised Tegan was how detailed the questions were, that the agencies asked her. Since she had no idea how to answer them, she had written the questions down, meaning to ask her client exactly what kind of stripper he had in mind. Now she shared some of these questions with Patti, as they worked on the bottle of wine they had opened over dinner.
“So, what kind of questions do they ask?” Patti had opened the topic for discussion.
“Well, they first want to know just how little the dancers are expected to strip down to…you know, can nipples be covered, or do they have to be seen? Do the panties stay on, or do they come off? If they are removed, is hair allowed, or does it have to be shaved? Are they expected to touch themselves, or to let anyone else touch them? Is anyone, including the guest of honor, going to want a lap dance?”
“Boy oh boy, who knew there was so much involved with taking your clothes off so men could drool on themselves looking at you?” Mused Patti.
“Then they also want to know if there’s a theme requested.” At the puzzled look on Patti’s face, she continued, “You know, western gal, stewardess, nurse, harem girl, French maid, British school-girl…” She stopped because they had both started giggling.
“How about All-American cheerleader?” Patti asked, giggling.
“Or drug-addicted, anorexic super-model?” Tegan added, giggling even more.
“Or just that old favorite, skanky whore?” Patti suggested with a snort.
At this they both laughed heartily, then poured themselves more wine.
“One thing is for sure, they don’t want ordinary housewives in sweat pants and torn cotton panties, huh?” Tegan gasped, wiping the tears from her eyes.
“I’ll bet they wouldn’t turn down Desperate Housewives though!” Patti now said, hiccuping from laughter. They both continued to laugh for a few minutes.
“Well, we’re pretty desperate aren’t we?” Tegan turned serious now, adding, “I don’t know about you, but I really need my half of the full amount of money we are going to make off of this party. Katie’s going to need braces soon, and Kevin broke his bike last week. I had to tell him we couldn’t afford a new one, but I hate for him not to have a bike to ride around the neighborhood on, since he spends too much time in his room on those damn computer games the way it is!”
There was a silence now, as both of them mused over their finances, which was always a downer. Patti broke the quiet, saying, “Then why don’t YOU do it?”
“Why don’t YOU strip for the party?”
“Are you out of your fucking mind?” Tegan shrieked, then lowered her voice when the sound of the children fighting downstairs ended, as if they wanted to hear what was being said upstairs. “What are you, crazy?” She hissed.
“Well, not really, “said Patti suddenly all-business. “Obviously I can’t do it for two main reasons. One, I’m the food person, so I have to be there to do the cooking and the supervising of the serving of the food. And two, I don’t really think that lard-ass, as my ex so fondly used to call me, is one of the most-requested themes for strippers!”
Tegan opened her mouth to protest then, but they were old friends, and often knew what the other was going to say before it was said.
“No, really, I know I’m too fat for most guys to find sexy, as Jake used to tell me all of the time. But tough shit. I can cook and bake circles around all of the skinny gals, who need silicone in their boobs to make them big. These are all-natural, baby!” She smiled.
Tegan now looked thoughtful. “Do you really think I have the body to be a stripper--I mean, just for the one night?”
“Honey, I’ve seen guys watching you in public, like at the grocery store. Yeah, I think they’d pay to see you strip naked for them.
“I’m NOT stripping all the way to naked for anyone!”
“Isn’t that one of the questions you said they asked? If full nudity was required or if g-strings were allowed to stay on?”
“Yes. I suppose I could tell him that no one would do full nudity on such short notice, but I was able to find a dancer willing to go most of the way.”
“Have some more wine,” was what Patti now said, as she poured the last of the bottle into their glasses.
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